In this weekends special Mother’s day message, Miami Vineyard Moms talk about 3 Mom Lies.
Unsubscribing from Mom Lies: Letting Go and Never Too Late
Letting go is one of the hardest things a mother is ever asked to do (and “never too late” is one of the truest things God has ever said). This Mother’s Day message from Miami Vineyard named three lies that mothers carry in silence: “I’m fine, I’ve got it,” “My child’s choices are my fault,” and “It’s too late.” Whether you are parenting a toddler through princess dress negotiations at six in the morning, watching a teenager back out of the driveway for the first time, or sitting in a quiet house wondering if you still have something left to give, this post is for you.
Sharing Burdens: What Happens When You Finally Stop Saying “I’m Fine”
Pastor Kathy Sosa, who leads Vineyard Kids at Miami Vineyard and is mother to four children, described a morning that will be immediately recognizable to any parent of small children. Fifteen minutes to choose a dress. Pigtails that became a negotiation crisis. Ten loads of laundry waiting at home. A husband with a kind smile asking, “Babe, are you okay?” And the answer, delivered a little too quickly: “I’m fine. I got it.”
Sharing burdens was not something she was discussing in theory. Her body had already reached its verdict (stress hives, head to toe) while her mouth kept insisting everything was under control. The gap between what we say and what we are actually carrying is where so many people quietly come apart.
The lie is seductive because it sounds like strength. If I ask for help, someone will do it wrong and I will have to redo it anyway. If I admit I am overwhelmed, I am admitting failure. Pastor Kathy pushed back on all of it by grounding the conversation in Galatians 6:2: “Share each other’s burdens; this is the law of Christ.” Sharing burdens is not a suggestion borrowed from a self-help podcast. It is described in Scripture as the law of Christ, which means it is the design. And she was careful to address the word that stops people cold: your children, she said, are not a burden. You are not a burden. The thing you are carrying is the burden; and you were never meant to carry it alone.
One honest step for today: name one specific thing you have been calling “fine.” You do not have to announce it. Write it down and stop calling it nothing.
Parenting Teenagers: Why Their Pulling Away Is Not Your Failure
Pastor Angie Perez, Guest Experience and Care Pastor at Miami Vineyard and mother to three children ranging from 17 to 24, described the season of parenting teenagers with a honesty that is rare from a church stage. She is not okay in this season, she said plainly. She misses driving them to school, praying together in the car, going to the park, baking cookies, and all of them falling asleep in the same room. She misses the little kids. And she has had to learn, season by season, to stop confusing her grief with her guilt.
Parenting teenagers is unlike any other season precisely because the distance is supposed to come. When a child pulls back, every instinct says: you did something wrong. The enemy, she noted, is very good at leaning into that moment. “See? You missed it. This is your fault.” But what feels like rejection is almost always just growth. Her 17-year-old son Jeremy went and got his driver’s license when she kept finding reasons to delay. Then he needed a car. Then he needed the keys. Each step felt like something she could not control and could no longer postpone.
The lie that surfaces in parenting teenagers (“their choices are my fault”) is addressed directly in Ezekiel 18:20, which makes the moral responsibility of each person clear: each soul bears its own weight. Pastor Angie took that not as permission to detach, but as permission to stop authoring a story that was never hers to write. She came home once to find her daughter crying over a boyfriend who had betrayed her. There was nothing to fix. The only thing she could do was be present, love her, and let her learn in her pain. That is the whole phrase: let them know, let them grow, and let them go.
One honest step for today: if you have been rehearsing a conversation about what your child has done wrong, try writing out instead what you most want them to know they are loved for.
Mom Guilt and the Never-Too-Late Truth Scripture Actually Teaches
Pastor Debbie Fischer, Weekend Experience Pastor and wife of Lead Pastor Kevin Fischer, spoke from the season farthest along (the one nobody warns you about when your children are small). All five of their children are grown, ranging from 27 to 35. One daughter, Carol, had just gotten married the weekend before. And there are two grandchildren now, small enough to be the most important people in any family photo.
In that season, mom guilt takes a different shape. It is not “I’m fine” and it is not “their choices are my fault.” The lie in this season is “it’s too late.” Too late to pour into them. Too late to undo the damage. Too late to matter. Mom guilt does not stop when children leave home; it just changes address.
Pastor Debbie brought an unexpected piece of science into the conversation. Of all species on earth, only two live beyond their reproductive years: female elephants and human women. There is a reason for that. The wisdom accumulated in those years is necessary for the survival of the next generation. That is not sentiment; it is biology making a theological argument. She anchored the whole thing in Psalm 92:14: “Even in old age, they will still produce fruit. They will remain vital and green.” The godly (not the young, not those without history) still bearing the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, and self-control. None of those require a particular age. None of them expire.
She was also honest that the shape of the relationship changes. She is no longer the authority in her adult children’s lives. She cannot tell them what to do. But she can be a wise reference; and when asked, she can share what decades have taught her. The things no technology can answer: does this baby feel warm? Does this soup need salt? When they say, “Mom, I’ve had a really hard week. Can I have a hug?” she called that job security.
For anyone whose “it’s too late” has nothing to do with parenting and everything to do with God (those who have done things they are certain disqualify them): the Apostle John addressed people who had rejected Jesus entirely. His response was not “too late for you.” He wrote in John 1:12: to all who believed in Jesus and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. Not to those who had it together. To all.
One honest step for today: write down one area where you have been telling yourself it is too late, then hold it next to Psalm 92:14 and ask whether Scripture agrees.
What Psalm 92 Says About Fruitfulness in Every Season of Motherhood
The shape of this Mother’s Day message is worth naming clearly. Three pastors. Three seasons. Three lies. Three truths.
| The Lie | The Truth |
| “I’m fine; I’ve got it” | You were never meant to do this alone (Galatians 6:2) |
| “Their choices are my fault” | Each person is responsible for their own decisions (Ezekiel 18:20) |
| “It’s too late” | Even in old age, the godly still bear fruit (Psalm 92:14) |
The through-line is not a parenting strategy. It is a posture (one that replaces false self-sufficiency with honest dependence, and replaces the grief of missed windows with the quiet confidence that God is still writing the story).
From Kendall to Cutler Bay, You Are Not the Only One Carrying This
Across Southwest Miami-Dade (from Kendall and Westchester to Cutler Bay and Palmetto Bay, and stretching down toward Homestead) the particular pressure of motherhood in this city runs deep. Miami asks everyone to look like they have it together, and mothers feel that weight in a specific, exhausting way. If you are somewhere in that stretch of South Florida and “I’m fine” has been covering something heavier, Miami Vineyard is a community where that kind of honesty is not just tolerated; it is the whole point. There are people at this church in every season of motherhood, from the princess-dress mornings to the empty nest. You would not be starting from scratch. You would be joining something already in motion.
It Was Never Yours to Carry Alone
Letting go is not a one-time decision. It is a practice that looks different in every season (releasing a toddler to grow, releasing a teenager to make their own mistakes, releasing adult children to their own lives and choices, and releasing the lie that any of it was ever entirely yours to control). Never too late is not a motivational phrase. It is a theological claim: God’s relationship with you, and with the people you love most, is not governed by a window that closes.
Three women stood on a stage on Mother’s Day and told the truth. If some of what they said landed somewhere real for you, there is a next step available (not a transaction, just an open door).
If you would like to experience this community in person, plan your visit here and find out what a Sunday at Miami Vineyard looks like.
Start with a simple next step toward belonging; get started here with Growth Track, a three-part class that helps you find your place in the community.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I stop saying I’m fine when I’m not?
A: Start by naming what is actually happening, even if only to yourself. Galatians 6:2 describes sharing burdens as “the law of Christ” (meaning vulnerability is not a personality option but a design feature of Christian community). One practical step is to identify one person who could hold something you have been calling “fine,” and tell them the truth this week. You were not built to carry this alone.
Q: Is it too late to make a difference as a parent?
A: According to Psalm 92:14, the godly bear fruit “even in old age, vital and green.” The biological reality that human women outlive their reproductive years is not an accident; it exists because the wisdom accumulated in those years is necessary for the next generation. The shape of the relationship changes as children grow, but the influence does not disappear. Being a present, available, and wise reference when asked is its own profound form of parenting.
Q: Am I responsible for my adult children’s choices?
A: Ezekiel 18:20 speaks directly to this question: each person bears the weight of their own decisions. You are not the author of your child’s story; God is. That does not mean you stop loving, praying, or showing up. It means you release the burden of authorship while remaining present in a story you do not control. Your child’s choices, including the painful ones, belong to them.
Q: What does it look like to be a “wise reference” for adult children?
A: Pastor Debbie Fischer described it as being genuinely available when asked rather than offering guidance unprompted. It is the posture of someone who has traded authority for influence (who can no longer tell their adult children what to do but can share what decades of experience have taught them when the invitation comes). It requires being secure enough in your own worth that you are not constantly seeking to prove it.
Q: How do I find community when I am overwhelmed as a mom?
A: The first step is usually the hardest: saying something true to another person. Miami Vineyard’s Vineyard Cares team offers free, confidential conversations for people in seasons of overwhelm, and the church’s small group community is designed to be the kind of village that real life requires. If you are in that place, connect with the care team or ask about small groups on your next visit.
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